Good Movies ?!
The issue with good ones is that
they make me filled of Emotions and feelings.
And the more emotions and feelings
i got, the more suffer i used to face.
My life path gets me understand
that the less painful way to survive is to watch myself as a third Person and
let things.. persons pass, is to think critical, to Know more and more... am i
alive?
It doesn't seem like that,
actually... Being alive requires courage, acceptance to be a Loser sometimes,
somehow, the problem is that i am so tired of being
a loser guy, in the same time I cannot be a full timer winner. So I kept myself
almost on the edge of my world, of life.
It's so hard to watch my steps, to
keep it on the edge.
Do you know what?
Life is a bitch, and even when I get some sex
I just keep watching my actions, my partner's ones, may be her emotions, our
positions and so…
I cannot involve in such "stuff"… "relation"
or whatever you call, I cannot live this moments -hours indeed :3-
although I discovered that I am a sex
machine :3 which should makes me happy and winner somehow!!! Sometimes I
wonder, I laugh at myself because I make her often satisfied, happier or it
seems like that. In the same time I am not.
Am I a fucked up miserable foolish
guy?
I'm not too sure of this, maybe I
became a coward, actually I'm filled of pain. filled of fear of being involved
in such thing, involved with such person, I cannot face facts like that I was
being left out, so I decided to involve just with loneliness, so I will not be
left out anymore.
The issue with good movies that they
make me alive in parallel worlds, they give me several fantastic great life
stories filled of Happiness, courage, goodness , evil, and even sorrow I can be free of after a while,
those good movies make me isolated, from my Ironic real one.
When the sudden appearance of word
"End", I come back to a different familiar scenario called
"reality". I lose fantasy, being alive again, but at least I get some
memories about great life stories I didn't have before. So the more I hate good
movies, the more I fond of
